Every day at LegitScript, we use our unique analytical and research skills to dismantle rogue pharmacies and disrupt illicit operations around the world. Our analysts identified more than 26,000 rogue internet pharmacies in 2017. The work may sound pretty analytical, but we often find levity in none other than the rogue internet pharmacies themselves. Criminals who sell illicit pharmaceuticals and controlled substances online rarely take professional care of other components of their websites, such as the design and copy. The result is often unexpectedly comical, as evidenced by some of our favorite finds of 2017, listed below.
1. Best Explanation of Services
When you’re operating a rogue pharmacy, rarely does one have the time to hire a copy editor. This website’s extensive list of services left us wondering, “What ‘doesn’t’ they offer?”
2. Cutest Rogue Internet Pharmacy
We love a good doge meme as much as the next person, but seeing as though this is an opioid-dealing doge, we could not entertain such naughty behavior. Note to shoppers: never buy your drugs from a Shiba Inu.
3. Best Dramatic Transformation
Somatropin is a prescription-only synthetic growth hormone that treats hormone deficiencies and some intestinal disorders. Additionally, this rogue pharmacy appears to indicate that a dozen vials of Hypertropin will give your toddler the physique of an adult male fitness model.
4. Most Trustworthy Team
Will the real Dr. Johnathan Treat please stand up? Either this is a copy error, or Dr. Treat is a shape-shifter who can only take the form of friendly medical professionals.
5. Best Disclosure Statement
Never have we seen such a comprehensive terms and conditions/legal disclosure that covers such a deep landscape of important topics such as:
- How to buy bath salts (MDPV) from our pharmacy
- What to do if you are the police and want to buy bath salts from our pharmacy
- How to live a discreet and safe life, unlike that one customer who took bath salts at a club while under the influence of alcohol and got busted by the police
Many contenders competed for top spots in these categories. The honorable mentions below deserve some recognition as well:
1. Worst Clearance Sale
Nothing says “I care about patient safety” quite like an expired controlled substance sale.
2. Most Blatant Red Flag
If an online merchant keeps changing banks, it’s not for the designer checks or convenient ATMs. The website’s inability to maintain a bank account might be due to illicit pharmaceutical sales.
Despite their entertainment value, LegitScript was proud to help take down these illicit internet pharmacies as well as more than 20,000 others this year. Our analysts are not so easily fooled by rogue websites, not even smooth talkers like this one:
When websites are shut down, some “registrators” call upon the whistleblowers of the world to help them continue their illicit drug operation:
Other registrants plead their innocence by sending an appeal containing false pharmacy credentials. Still others accept their fate with indignant fatalism:
We’ve been called a lot of things, but incomprehensible is a first! (Aside: we explained to the registrant quite comprehensibly that selling prescription-only medicines without requiring a prescription in jurisdictions where the website operator is not licensed is unlawful.)
Stay tuned in 2018 for more updates on what can happen when our analysts get #tooanalytical.